Ahhhhhhhhh (in an I'm so happy way) . . . I love my bed . . .

Just an update. I had so much fun sleeping in my bed last night. I got the best night's sleep that I've had in ages. I didn't even bother to take off the decorative pillows. I just slept with all five. Clean sheets/jammies/pillows and my teddy. I felt like a princess in my big comfy bed. What more can a girl ask for.

Ahhhhhhhhhh (In a finally relaxed sort of way) . . . I'm moved!

I moved my things out of my apartment today. Ahhhhhhhh . . . Wow, does it feel good to be done with that. Four of my guy cousins helped me move, and I barely had to do anything at all. I always feel bad taking help from people, but, wow, does it feel good to receive it. I didn't have to rent a truck. I didn't have to rent additional storage space. It was so pain free.

You know what else feels good? Having my things. I left alot of things that I really didn't need to pull out in boxes and stacked them in mom's basement. That will make it all the easier to move in the fall. But, I unpacked alot of my fun things (some pics, all my perfume and bath products, DVDs, candles, etc.). I'm surprised how quickly I sorted and unpacked boxes. It took me two weeks to unpack the things I had accumulated over the last 100 days. But, it only took a few hours to unpack things that I accumulated over my whole life. Hmmmmmmmm? Anyways, it isn't perfect in here or anything, but it's so comfy to have my things. I was debating if I wanted to paint and how I wanted to decorate. However, since I'm really not going to actually live here very long, I don't think it's necessary to put alot of time into making it perfect. In fact, it's actually shaped up pretty cute with the blending of my childhood purple/blue sponge paint walls, my vineyard wine pics and decorations from my living room, my random SAS accumulations from around the world, and my white/neon green oriental style bedding. I know it sounds gross. It's very different from my "everything has to go perfectly" style. But, I actually think it's quite fun. I couldn't live in a room so disorderly for long, but for now, I'm kind of digging it . . . It's very college kid/world traveler eclectic. I guess since that's what I am these days, it fits perfectly . . .

Anyways. It's such a relief to be done with Christmas and moving. I am going to sleep awesome on my bed tonight. It's been over four months since I've slept in it. I've been sleeping on an airmatress for the past two and a half weeks. I was thinking about going out tonight. But, it's too tempting to stay in and enjoy my things. I can't wait to go to bed!!!

After Christmas Update . . .

Well, Christmas has come and gone. I procrastinated unpacking my remaining suitcases until Christmas eve. At that point, I was forced to get up early and figure out who got what, wrap it, and run to the store for last minute things. I ran my ass off all day on Christmas eve, but it all ended up working out, and I had everything wrapped and was celebrating by 5 p.m. that evening. Christmas eve and Christmas were amazingly simple and enjoyable. Everyone seemed to be cutting down on Christmas gifts this year. For the first time, we just did a grab bag at my dad's house. And, on Christmas day, for the first time I can remember, I just went to my step-dad's family's house and hung out there instead of running all over hell. I got some nice gifts (clothes, boots, a coat, books), but nothing overwhelming, which was perfect. Everyone seemed to like the things that I brought back for them from around the world. It's amazing how much more enjoyable Christmas was with less intensity. Aren't we always adding and desiring more? So how is it that less actually made it so much better? hmmmmmm . . . a new question in life to ponder . . .

Besides that, I seem to have gotten myself out of that mini funk I was in early last week. I've spent alot of time with my friends and family recently. I've had many a late nights in the past couple weeks. I've also gotten my room picked up and my suitcases unpacked. Tomorrow I'm moving my things out of my apartment in the city. Will I ever be glad to have that out of the way. However, then it means that my room here's going to be a disaster again. I still haven't decided how much I'm going to bother actually unpacking here. I guess I'll see.

I have noticed some changes in myself lately that I didn't notice when I first returned. I seem to have gotten alot more upfront and honest than I ever was before with other people and with myself (not that I was a liar before). But, I've gotten alot more brave with facing situations head on instead of "waffling around". A couple "issues" have come up since I've been home, and I've been able to just jump right out of my comfort zone and handle them very maturely, but honestly. And, they always seem to work out for the best that way, and I feel good, because I know that I was completely straight and open in the situation. I've also been able to let alot more go. Petty shit doesn't seem so important. And, I feel sorry, not angry at, the people who let it consume their lives. I am less intimidated by people and more true to myself. I feel like I appreciate and understand the people around me more, especially those who I knew before the trip. Generally, I feel like I'm growing into a more grown-up, more in-tune, version of myself. And, I think that I really like the me I'm becoming.

Anyways, those are just some random happenings/thoughts to update you. I'll be in touch soon!

I'm going to Argentina!!!

Well, we all already knew that. But, I actually booked my plane ticket today. I got a great deal at Student Universe. I'm leaving on January 30th, and I'll be home on May 19th. I decided to do just a few days in Buenos Aires before my program officially starts on the 3rd of February. I also booked a really fun sounding hostel for the 31st, 1st, and 2nd. It has a rooftop bar and lots of fun activities not to mention free breakfast, internet, and airport transfers. All for the bargain price of $8 a night! I'm really starting to get excited!!!

In and Out . . .

Just a little update . . . Things are going ok here. It's still really weird not only coming home from the most crazy, amazing time ever, but coming home to a place (physical and mental) much different than the one I left. When I left I was living a very fast paced, "city" lifestyle -working my ass off working more than full time and going to school full time, living in my apartment downtown with my two awesome roommates, partying it up downtown constantly, and had a boyfriend. Now, I'm on a much slower path just hanging out in my childhood room, shopping, and visiting people. Now these changes are all changes that I conciously chose and I think will work out for the better in the long run, but for now, they are strange and only make adjusting into real life more difficult because I'm not in my old real life or even my new real life. I'm in my intermitten (between SAS and Argentina) real life. So, I keep fluttering in and out of the real world. Sometimes I'm perfectly fine and enjoying being home. Other times I'm just completely listless and don't know what to do with myself. I haven't been able to concentrate on actually getting things accomplished - unpacking, doing Christmas cards, planning moving my stuff. But that's ok. What needs to get done will get done.

I have done some productive things this week. I went out with a couple friends. I saw a movie and had dinner with my cousin. I went to school and talked to my study abroad counselor and financial aid counselor about Argentina. I got my loans all figured out. And, I decided that I'm going to stick with the shorter program that goes from early February til early May. That way I can come home and do graduation in May. I don't really know that I wanted to put five months into the program. I e-mailed the head of the language department at my school to figure out if I'll be able to do something to get a Spanish minor out of my program. She said that we can discuss it once she's back on campus in mid-January. The only other things that I need to handle are my student visa (of which I have all the paperwork ready to mail tomorrow) and booking my flight (I've been uncertain on the dates I should choose). I also picked up a "learn Spanish" set at the library today. So, maybe I'll do something with that.

Lets see, what else . . . oh, here's something funny. I actually received a revised offer letter from the company that I was suposed to start with in January that is defering my start date until September. My starting salary is actually a few thousand dollars higher now. I thought that was pretty cool! They also sent me a little Christmas gift. I thought that was great.

So, that's what I've been up to. There has been some concern over my last posting. And, I didn't want you all to think that I was freakishly depressed or anything. From talking to my other SAS friends, it seems like everyone else is having the same kinds of highs and lows, in and outs of reality. It seems fairly normal. I've had some alumne e-mail me and tell me that they didn't unpack for months afterward.

Anyways, I'll survive, and before I know it, I'll be sitting on the beach in Buenos Aires. And when I get back in May, who knows . . . I have until September to play. Europe maybe? Start doing my CPA review? My SAS around the U.S. road trip? Then in September, it will be time to go through this readjusting all again, but this time it will be in my new real life, not my interim real life . . .

Ok, I'm getting a little silly now . . .

I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season. I imagine that I'll write before Christmas, but if not, have a fabulous, joyous holiday.

My Most Traumatic Day . . .

Alot happened yesterday. This is all rather personal, so I'm wondering why I'm posting this at all, but I feel the need to get it out and have a record of it for myself. I could just do a private entry, but that will mess up the entire chain of events in this blog.

I had a very honest conversation with someone I'm very close with yesterday and we decided to alter our current relationship. It went well, so I'm happy about that. But there were alot of tears. The whole situation was a very bitter sweet transition. So, that alone was rather dramatic. Then, I went over to visit my roommates at my apartment for the first time since I've been home. It was so nice seeing them and catching up a bit. But, all my things are still there and it feels so much like home. I spent so much time participating in picking out the apartment and decorating it just right. I hate to give it up. After being there, I was really trying to crunch numbers to see if I could pay for the apartment until I start my new job in September. I determined that I could do it, but at $650 a month with bills, for nine months, that would seriously cut into my savings. And since I wouldn't even be staying there most of that time, it really seems like a somewhat impractical thing to do. So, I've given up on that idea and decided to stick it out with my family in the burbs. Besides all this, yesterday was the day that I would have graduated if I didn't extend my graduation and that was in the back of my mind too. So, by the time that I arrived back home around midnight last night, I was emotionally drained, yet strangely content. Nothing bad happened. Everything really worked out just about as well as it could. Yet, things in my "real" life have dramatically changed since I left in August and it really hit me yesterday. All of it is of my own doing, and the changes are not bad, but it's a bit unsettling. One of the last pieces of advice that we were given before we got off the boat was, "don't go home and make any dramatic changes." Well, that's about all I've done. Everything is different in my life since I left in August. But, even through the pain of separation from the familiar, I am filled with hope and excitement at what lies ahead in the future.

My room here is still a disaster. I have had no desire to get my SAS stuff in any sort of order, which is not like me. I'm just tripping over it. I wouldn't have even started unpacking had I not needed to get the Christmas gifts for Saturday's get together. I also haven't done too much with my pictures. I'll organize them a little here and there, but I haven't gotten around to showing them to people, putting them on-line, or having them printed. Every time I look at my pictures, the things I see seem so long ago. We experienced so much. It really feels like it was all a dream right now. I've also continued to have trouble going to sleep at night. Last night I was up until 6:30 a.m.

Anyways, that's just a little piece of what's on my mind. Don't worry. I'm not depressed. I hope it doesn't sound that way. I'm just working my way through adjusting to life again.

Damn, Chicago is cold . . .

That's what's on my mind right now. It's cold as hell here. I'm over at Matt's house and his heater broke late last night. So, we've been sitting here all bundled up and covered in piles of blankets as it gets colder and colder and colder. His landlord is over now trying to fix it. Gotta love the Chicago winter. Gosh am I glad that I don't have to bundle up and take the el to work every day anymore. That would suck!

So, what have I been up to the last few days? Well, I finally started unpacking all those bags of gifts that I have for everyone. Talk about a disaster. I think that the whole world blew up in my room. What a chore trying to figure out exactly what goes to who. But, it's coming along.

I've been out and about visiting people. I still haven't gotten to everyone, but it's getting there. I've been out with some friends and spent some time with my new babies. I'm going to have dinner with my roommates tonight, which will be fun.

I haven't gotten anything worked out on moving or on Argentina. Guess I need to get on that. I guess that I'll talk to my roommates about the moving thing tonight. And, I am supposed to get together with my study abroad counselor to get together my Argentina trip tomorrow. So, it will get done . . .

I can't believe how close Christmas is.

The world keeps getting more and more strange to me. It seemed fairly normal at first, but the more people I see and the more I do, the more out of place I feel. Only, I can't put my finger on what exactly has changed at the core . . .

I'm awake . . .

Well, I feel like I've finally woken from the dream that I've been wrapped in for the past four months. It's strange. I feel like I've just snapped into the real world. I've always known exactly what it was, but I wasn't a part of it. It really feels like I've had one of those crazy, dream filled nights that seem to go on forever. When I look back at my pictures, I can't process all that I've done and seen. Even my SAS friends, who I know I love to death, don't seem real anymore. I feel so far removed. I can't bring myself to unpack my suitcases or sort through my pictures. For some reason, I don't even really feel like talking on AIM to my SAS friends. Maybe it's the denial phase?

I spent the day before yesterday (after getting my tooth pulled) putting my new room into some sort of order. I unpacked the bags of clothes that I had stored at my mom's house while I was gone on my trip. Was it fun to see all my old clothes. I almost forgot that I had some of the stuff. I've been living on two pairs of jeans for the past four months, all of a sudden, I have a huge stack to chose from.

Yesterday, I accidentally slept until 2:30 in the afternoon (*note - I was up until around 4 a.m.). I really didn't mean to do that, but it's a really cool feeling not to "have" to get up for anything. I got dressed in something besides my SAS hoodie for practically the first time since I got off the ship (my mom actually made fun of me the night before - asking me if I'd washed it), actually did my hair and put on some make-up, and ventured into the real world. First, I went out and visited my friend Danielle and saw my new little baby Donovan. He's so so precious and Danielle is so happy. Then, I went and had Chicago pizza (oh, how I missed you) and cheap red wine and watched "Days" (Days of Our Lives) with Matthew. It was perfect.

I had a busy day today. I woke up early and went and saw my other new baby Adrien. Gosh, is she a little doll. I fed her a bottle and then I had to burp her. It's been such a long time since I've had a newborn around that I forgot all about that part. I loved it. These babies are so sweet. I hope that I get to spend alot of time with them before I go to Argentina.

Then, I went and did a little conservative shopping. I only let myself buy really inexpensive, useful things, besides the pair of jeans that I really needed (despite the stack about having a pile of jeans). I have to learn how to live like a poor college kid, or I won't make it until September on my savings. Then, I did a little grocery shopping and bought the stuff to make a couple meals for my family and some Diet Pepsi and microwave popcorn for me. Shopping at the grocery store was overwhelming. It's so strange to have such easy access to any kind of food or product you want after so long. I did notice that my shopping habits have changed. It's alot easier to make myself buy less after doing without so much for so long. It really makes you realize that things just aren't necessary.

After the grocery story, I came back to my mom's and did some cleaning and made and cleaned up dinner. It felt so good to be productive again. Of course, I'm dreading unpacking all my SAS suitcases. I have absolutely no desire to do it. They are just sort of shoved against the wall.

I do have alot of little junk to settle - moving, Argentina arrangements, work stuff, etc. But, overall, I love the freedom of waking up and doing what I want in a given day. I feel the desire to do some worthwhile work while I'm home. I am a little afraid to make commitments because I think that I'm going to be more busy than I imagine, and I don't want to tie myself down with responsibilities. But, I'm considering trying to volunteer a couple days a week at the hospital while I'm here. I was a candy striper in high school and enjoyed it. So, we'll see. It's hard to tell.

Tomorrow is a mystery . . .

Tah Tah for now!

I'M HOME!!!

Well, I've been back in Chicago for about 24 hours now. Last night I spent some time with my dad and just hung out. My teeth were killing me all night. My car doors were frozen shut and once we finally got them open, my car needed to be jumped. I slept until around 1 this afternoon and then I got up and went to the dentist. I was really nervous about what he was going to say. Luckily, it turned out that it was just my wisdom tooth. He numbed the shit out of it, yanked it out, charged me the "poor college student" bargain price of $150, and sent me on my way with a prescription for vikadin. Then, I came back to my mom's, and I've been working on cleaning everyone else’s stuff out of my old bedroom and unpacking some of the stuff that I had stored here. I'm hoping to get my room to a comfortable level tonight and then start visiting people tomorrow. I'm seeing Matt tomorrow night and my roomies on Sunday. I'll move my stuff out of my apartment some time next week. And, I have tons of stuff to get in order for Argentina.

So far, things seem strangely normal at home. It's as if I only left for a week. But, then, I haven't been too many places or seen too many people yet. I've also been busy with my teeth, car, and bedroom. I can already tell that this "living at home thing" is going to drive me nuts very soon. I miss my pretty apartment with the gorgeous city views and bullshitting with my fun roomies. Good thing I'm off to Argentina soon.

Well, that was just a little update. I'll drop in again soon!

Until then, enjoy the holiday season!

So far, things seem strangely normal at home. It's as if I only left for a week. But, then, I haven't been too many places or seen too many people yet. I've also been busy with my teeth, car, and bedroom. I can already tell that this "living at home thing" is going to drive me nuts very soon. I miss my pretty apartment with the georgous city views and bullshitting with my fun roommies. Good thing I'm off to Argentina soon.

Well, that was just a little update. I'll drop in again soon!

Until then, enjoy the holiday season!

Almost Home . . . (Panda) Bears and Burgers . . .

Well, tonight is my last night in San Diego. I've had a nice couple of days, but I'm ready to get home. In a way I'm sort of dreading going home since I have so much to take care of and I don't really have a "home" right now since all my things are packed and scattered, and I'm going to be moving out of my apartment and into my mom and step-dad's house until I leave for Argentina. But, still, I'm looking forward to taying somewhere for a little while and seeing my friends and family (especially my new babies - Donovan and Adrienne). I was thinking about trying to stay in Cali for a little while and visit
friends in LA and San Fran, but I have so much to do at home before I leave for Argentina . . . Plus, I need to visit a dentist.

We haven't done a ton while we've been here, but I also haven't gotten much sleep. Yesterday we bummed around in the gaslight district and today we went to the San Diego zoo. My cousins came down from Bakersfield to go to the zoo with us, so that was fun. I also did something that I couldn't leave California without doing - went to In and Out Burger. All my Cali friends will be pleased with me. I heard so much about In and Out Burger during the last ten days of the voyage, including an hour long 4 a.m. discussion with three Californians. I have to say that I quite enjoyed my animal double double cheese burger (off the secret menu, hehehe).

I dealt with my packing situation yesterday/today. I pulled open the box and garbage bag and transfered things into two duffles that my bro and sis brought. Alas, that damn drum and my paintings just wouldn't fit anywhere, so I had to ship the drum, and I'm going to gate check the paintings. It's going to be such a mess to unpack all this. Especially since I still have to move/unpack my entire life and set up in my old/new room. Unfortunatly, I accidently packed my winter coat, so I'm going to have to wear a hoodie to get home from the airport and try to find my other winter coats in the bags and bags of clothes that I left at my mom's house. Who knows, they may still be at my apartment in the city.

So far, I haven't felt too much culture shock. I have noticed a few oddities. But, that's how I usually identify things - by noticing the small things. First, something that I first noticed in Hawaii and has continued to confuse me - I don't remember portion sizes in the U.S. being so large. Second, I went into Express yesterday and nearly died at the beautiful, new, clean clothes. I was wearing a neon green, short skirt and a tank top, and I felt so under-dressed in the mall. Everyone was wearing such stylish clothes. I'm a real SAS fashion disaster these days. I guess that I'm going to have to start dressing like a grown up again instead of a college bum stuck on a ship.

I also have the SAS flu. I have a terrible cold, and I'm exausted all the time. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in who knows how long. I miss nap time on the MV explorer.

Well, I'll be home tomorrow around 4 p.m. It's going to be cold and snowy. I am freezing here in San Diego where it's 60-70 degrees. I don't know how I'll deal with 20 degrees and snow. This hoodie better be very warm . . .

Our Last Port . . . Ever . . .

Well, I said goodbye to the MV Explorer and all my friends yesterday. I would have written a
little more towards the end, but I was out of internet minutes and I was also really busy. The last day of the trip (the 6th) was spent wandering around in a daze. We had never had a day with really nothing to do before. Not only were there no activities planned, but there was also no homework or studying to be done and there wasn't anything left in our rooms to distract ourselves with. At 11 a.m., they started the process of bringing our luggage down to the
2nd deck. I was a little nervous about the process since I had alot of luggage to bring down and a couple of the items were really precariously packaged. Luckily my awesome cabin steward, Dante, helped me out by tying up my box and garbage bag, and he even carried my box down for me. It was so nice. My friend Lauren and my roommate Courtney also helped me out. It really ended up going rather smoothly. I was just glad to get the bags out of our room and be done with them for a while. Besides that, the rest of the day was pretty much spent just hanging around, exchanging pictures, and signing people's books/maps. I got alot of signatures in my book/map, but unfortunately, there were alot of people that I never got a chance to get. It's alright though, because they gave us a CD with everyone's contact info. Lunch was surprisingly good with ravioli and peach cobbler. We thought that we might get a really good dinner since it was our last one, but alas, it was typically pretty repetitive and bland. I had my very last PB&J. Contrary to previous advice, they still had regular PB on the last day. I guess they learned their lesson!!!

It was a little chilly out on deck so we had to wear hoodies when we were sitting up on the seventh deck. We were still outside when the sun was setting. It was spectacular! Everyone came out for it. It was definitely one of the most spectacular sun sets that I've ever seen. And, it was special because it was the last one we'd see on our ship.

At 8 p.m., we had convocation. They announced the students who were graduating after this semester and those who had achieved straight A's in their courses. Out of almost 700 students, only 12 had straight A's. That just goes to show how seriously SAS has been taking academics. No more "kindergarden at sea." Some faculty members and students spoke and the choir sang. We all joined them in standing and singing, "America the Beautiful." The speakers were really excellent. For me, the tears started rolling during the first speech, and by the time we got through the last one, I was absolutely balling.

We knew we weren't going to go to sleep that night. And, we spent the remainder of the night doing the same things we'd been doing for the past couple days - trading pictures and music and signing books/maps. It was like a count down. 11 hours to go until we arrive . . . 8 hours . . . 6 hours . . . 3 hours . . . an hour and a half. Around 4:00 a.m., we started making these videos that we'd talked about making. One person would leave the room and we'd all record ourselves talking about them. Unfortunately, we didn't get to finish them all before the sun began to rise. Still, we did five.

*One side note. During all this, I was experiencing the greatest physical pain of my life. There has been something going on with my teeth since China. I can't pinpoint the pain, but the whole bottom side of my mouth feels like someone is sticking needles in it and moving my jaw up and down against the needles. It disappeared for a while, but on this afternoon/night it resurfaced with a vengeance. I was in the most intolerable pain. It would come and then go away for a little while. If I went and brushed my teeth, it would often make the pain go away. So, I was running down to my room to brush my teeth every fifteen minutes at one point. Then that stopped helping too. I went to the clinic three times. The first time, at 5 p.m. they gave me Advil. The second time, at 7 p.m., when the clinic was technically closed forever, they gave me Tylenol and Oragel. The third time, when I woke them up crying at 2:30 a.m., they gave me a little bit of a stronger pain killer and an antibiotic in case I have an infection and suggested that I ask students if they have any narcotics (which I found slightly amusing). After taking the new meds, my teeth started to feel a little better and it occurred to me that ice "might" be a good idea. So I gave it a try, and alas, sucking on ice has been my savior ever since. My teeth didn't start to hurt at all again until around 10 a.m. And, I've been using a combination of sucking on ice, brushing my teeth frequently, gargling with salt water, my antibiotics, and pain meds. It hasn't gotten so bad again. But, unfortunately, I will have no choice but to visit a dentist soon. And guess what!!! For the first time in my life, since I decided to go the poor student route and I'm too old to be on my parent's health insurance, I have no dental insurance. I'm not going to worry about it. I have no choice but to get whatever is going on fixed. So, I'll have to figure out the financial end of it. So, here's to unexpected surprises!*

So, now we're at 6 a.m. The sky is starting to get light. We pull on our hoodies and head out to the front of the deck to witness the most beautiful sunrise that I've ever seen. When we first got out there, we could just see San Diego in the distance, but by the time we went in for breakfast, we could make out buildings. The sunrise definitely rivaled that of Cape Town, if only because of the significance of the situation. There were tons of people out to witness it and people were playing sentimental songs on their Ipods. It was surreal. It's over . . . Yet, it still hadn’t sunk in. I thought we’d be up crying all night or something. It didn’t feel real. It felt almost anti-climatic. The second picture above is from the sunrise.

Then came breakfast. After, we lined up along the railings to watch the ship pull in. There were tons of parents waiting for us with signs. As we pulled in, I completely broke down and sobbed for probably the next half an hour. The energy was so touching. Everyone was so excited to see their loved ones and yet you couldn't quite get to them yet. My mom, step dad, and bro, and sis were a bit late, but I was still really excited when they got there. Noel's mom, dad, and puppy were there. Patti's grandma was there. Tiffany's mom and dad were there. Jackie's parents were there. Courtney's dad was there. After waving and stuff for a while, we went back to our rooms to get our carry-offs together and wait. Courtney's dad was taking pictures of us in our cabin window from the place where the parents stood. Of my closest friends, Noel, was the first to get off. She was in the third group. After they called the second sea, we all hovered around Noel somberly hugging her and telling her we loved me. The mood was somber. I felt like we were visiting her on her death bed. When her time came, we walked her to the gangway and hugged her forever. Then, we went up to the seventh deck to wait for her to get off. When she got off, we screamed to her that we loved her about twenty times. Then we went back in to wait.
Yellow sea was fifth. So that meant that it would be me, Courtney, Jackie, and Tiffany next. After they called the fourth sea, I realized that I had forgotten to sign the back of the wall art in my room. I had heard about doing this from a couple people. So, with about twenty minutes to spare, I pulled the art off the wall. And, I found two long notes from the occupants of the Fall 2004 voyage. It was filled with advice on what to do. It included specific trips along with tips like "watch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can" and "travel independently as much as possible." I did my best at trying to leave a significant statement and some good tips for those to come. So, for those of you going on the trip in the future, make sure to check the back of your paintings right away. Somehow leaving my mark on the ship, soothed me and at the same time made the whole thing a little more real.

So, then it was our turn, and Patti, Lauren, Kristal, and Kristen came to hug us goodbye. When I was about ten people away from stepping off the ship, I started balling once again. I stood for way too long with one foot on the ship and one on the gangway. Florentina told me to stop crying, that I should be happy - basically to suck it up. We had to use the stairs down from the fifth deck and with a book bag, a small suitcase, two shoulder bags, and a couple paintings, I was very relieved once I stepped off the last step onto solid ground. It was actually a really dangerous situation with all the things people were carrying out. Then, I went and found my other seven pieces of luggage and found a porter to take it for me. Some combination of Kristal, Kristen, Patti, and Lauren, called out that they loved me as I was doing the death walk out of the luggage area to the leaving area. I stopped and yelled back that I loved them too. The girls later told me that they were laughing at my cart filled with suitcases when they saw me from the deck. When I got to the area where the parents are supposed to pick you up, mine weren't there. Of course they were off marching to their own drummer in some place they weren't allowed to be waiting for me to come off the ship. *wink* I called them and was trying to explain where I was. For some reason I was starting to get hysterical. I couldn't understand why they couldn’t find me. Well, they found me and I hugged my mom forever. My step dad looked at my bags and laughed and my mom was like, "those aren't all hers." But of course they were. I said goodbyes to a couple more friends and waved at people as they drove away while my brother and step dad loaded up the car. Then we left.

We're staying at the Hotel Del Coronado on Coronado Island. It's the most beautiful hotel that I’ve ever been in. I'm sharing a room with my bro and sis. It has a balcony with an amazing view of the beach and ocean. My mom and step dad said that they were on their balcony that morning and saw my ship coming in. Now, I've had an ocean view for the past four months, but this view is different because you can actually see the waves rushing in along the shore line. We sat on our balcony and watched the sun last night and then went for a nice dinner.

I was supposed to meet the girls for dinner/drinks at eight. I almost didn't go because I was so beat. I laid down and was trying to sleep when Noel called me at 7 to see if I needed a ride. I dragged myself up and took a shower and then called her and told her I'd go if she could drive me. I figured if all I had to do was drag myself downstairs and have a couple drinks, I could make it. I would have felt so bad ditching out. Noel's dad ended up driving and we picked up Patti and Tiffany as well and got a little turned around, so we ended up showing up around 9. Lauren, Monica, Kristal, Kristen, John, and Tyler were already there. Noel's boyfriend met her there. It was so nice getting to meet him after hearing about him all semester. We really only had about an hour before they closed down. Then the real goodbyes started. When we were saying goodbye on the ship yesterday, it was like, "well, we'll see you tonight for dinner." So, it wasn't too bad then. This was bad. It still didn't feel like it was really happening. But, we knew that it was. We hugged each other so tight, some people cried, and we told each other we loved them over and over again. On the I love you thing . . . It's really strange. I definitely don't go around telling my friends that I've known my whole life how much I love them, but it doesn't seem weird in this situation. I truely love these girls. They've been like my family for the past four months, and we've experienced so many amazing and emotional things together.

We parted ways with Noel, Monica, Lauren, and Patti, and Tiffany, Tyler, and I went back to John and Kristal’s hotel room to drink and sit around for a while. It was such a parallel to the beginning of the trip when John, Jay, Dave, Patti, Kristen, Kristal, and I sat around in a hotel room at the Atlantis drinking 151 and Kool aid (thanks to Kristen). I hated to leave, but around 1:30 a.m., I woke up Tiffany, said my last goodbyes to John, Kristal, and Tyler and we grabbed a cab back to our hotels. It really hadn’t yet sunk in that that was it for us. It truly just felt like we were in another port. I think that the next couple weeks of separation are going to be rough. After dropping Tiff off, and for the third time of the night, I saw our ship in the harbor beautifully lit. It looks so alive. It’s so hard to believe that no one and nothing is left of our voyage.

Of course, when I got to the hotel, it took me half an hour to find my room. Apparently 6530 is on the fifth floor instead of the sixth. Should have known. Finally, I went to bed around 2 a.m., where I proceeded to wake up every twenty minutes.

At 8 a.m., my mom called me and told me that we were going to Sea World. I was like, “What?” I had planned to sleep in and lounge, but I wanted to be a good sport, so I got up and got ready. We went and had a nice breakfast in town. I was so tired and I am so sick that I know my mom knew I really didn’t want to go to Sea World. I didn’t really care to go there anyways. The only thing I really cared about seeing in San Diego is the zoo. They said that they understood and dropped me off at the hotel room. I really just wanted to lounge today.

So, I came back to the hotel room, opened the curtains and balcony door so that I could enjoy the sound and view of the ocean, and took advantage of the free internet. Wow. That’s a contrast from having to horde internet minutes. I tried to nap for about three hours, but I woke up constantly. Around 3:30, I ordered a small salad from room service. After months of exotic food in port mixed with ship food, it was nice eating a simple, flavorful, somewhat healthy meal. My family will be returning from Sea World soon and we’re going to go have dinner. One of my friends and some of her friends are coming to ice skate at the ice skating rink at our hotel tonight. So, maybe it will work out for us to all do it together.

I had some e-mails from people at home and some IMs from both people at home and SAS friends today. It was good to have some time to process my thoughts today. It’s finally sinking in that its all over. As I recount my last day here, I am feeling the emotions that should have gone with the actions yesterday. It was and still is hard to believe that it’s really all ended though. It all went so fast. There are so many things that I’d like to do and so many people that I’d like to know better. But, I leave with no regrets. It’s been an amazing journey.

I can’t tell you what I’ve yet learned from the whole thing yet. I need more time to process it. I will come back on here and do it once it comes to me. Until then, thank you so much for sticking with me on my journey. If I don’t know you, have a wonderful holiday season. If I do, I can’t wait to see you again. I get home Sunday afternoon.



SURPRISE!!!

But, don’t leave me so soon . . . My adventure’s not quite over yet. If you remember from the beginning of this blog, I was supposed to graduate and start a job in December/January. Well, I’ve changed my plans. You might have noticed that I didn’t participate in the convocation ceremony. I’m actually going to Argentina to study Spanish next semester and planning a road trip to visit my SAS friends around the country in the summer. I’ll be graduating in May or August and starting my new job in September. I have to work out all the details, but I’m leaving at the end of January. I’m going to continue this blog. I probably won’t post terribly frequently until I leave for that, but I’ll still update you on post SAS, pre-Argentina news. Everything is really still up in the air on the details of Argentina, since I just sort of planned it from the ship, so it will be interesting to see how it all unfolds.

Packing Day . . .

The hours of 2 – 10 p.m. were the worst hours that I have spent on this ship. They were the hours that I spent packing. Talk about a horrible experience. Ok, let’s look at this positively, an interesting experience. My roommate has been teasing me that I was going to have a hard time packing with all the stuff that I’d bought, but I really didn’t think that it would be that bad. It was! But, I think that it was bad for everyone. How we packed all that stuff into this little room, I have no idea.

It became clear early on that even with throwing away a lot that I brought, the huge extra duffle bag, the bag I bought in Rio, and the large book bag that I picked up in Vietnam, that I wouldn’t have enough room to pack everything. WRONG!!! I filled all of that up. Plus, I used a huge box that I found in the hall. Even, then, I had a pile of things to pack. So, I ended up using a thick trash bag and taping it up with a lot of duct tape and writing all over it, “Please do not dispose of” and “Luggage – Amber Keeney” and put a luggage tag on it. I hope that it makes it. I’m hoping to get ahold of my family before they leave for San Diego and asking them to bring a couple of extra suitcases that I can transfer the stuff in the box and garbage bag into.

But alas, I finished packing . . . . YES!!! I felt so good after that. We also had a San Diego pre-port. They just talked about packing and customs, etc. We sang “America the Beautiful” at the end. I got a little choked up when the mental health professional was talking about how we might be feeling or will feel when we leave. I can foresee all the tears that will be shed tomorrow. Especially since I know everyone will be up all night and will be beyond over tired. I spent the rest of the night getting pictures from people and having people sign my map and makeshift address book. I still have a lot of people to track down to fill out my book and map. But, I think that tomorrow will be good for that. It has to be. It’s the “last chance.”

I notice a lot of parallels with the beginning and end of the voyage. Everyone is excited. No one can sleep. Everyone seems to have a renewed sense of excitement at meeting people and seizing the moment. They are trying to get every last ounce out of every experience. People are nervous, scared, and yet excited about what lies ahead. Everyone is talking to everyone, hanging out in the most random groups, exchanging contact info and signatures instead of names and schools. Everyone seems somewhat lost about what to do next.

How am I feeling? I feel just like I did when I started this trip, 99 days ago. At first (about a month ago), I was getting excited about coming home. I couldn’t wait. Then about a week ago, my feelings changed to one of sadness and disbelief at leaving. I feel somewhat numb, yet sad. I know in my head that I’m leaving and that I will never be here with these people ever again but my heart is accepting it slowly. I can feel it working its way in there though. I’m scared. The way I was before I left. It reminds me of when I was 13 and I had surgery. I knew the surgery was going to happen and I was fine with it. But, just after they started me on the meds that would knock me out, I got really scared. I didn’t want it anymore and I would do anything to make it stop. But, all I could do is cry, hold onto my mom, and know that when I woke up it would be over. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s how I feel. I know that it’s going to hurt and there’s nothing that I can do but accept it. I would almost accept leaving the ship and the itinerary if I could just take everyone with me. And, I mean everyone. It’s not so much my good friends that I’m scared to leave. I know that we will stay in touch. It’s those random people that I’m just used to seeing around or know casually. Those are the people I will never see or hear of again. Of course, I will miss having all my best friends just a few doors away all the time too. During our conversation on the smoking deck last night, someone said something along the lines that we will never be the same, we will never see things the same way again, and no one will ever understand us besides those that have been on this ship for the last 100 days, what this experience was to us, and how much it has changed who we are. I don’t know how I’m changed yet. I’ve heard time and time again that you won’t notice the change until you get home. Dean John said that they are going to explain to our parents that come to San Diego how to deal with us and help us adjust to the culture shock. I’m really glad . . . Because I don’t know how to deal with myself at this point . . .


Position Report

December 5, 2005
Latitude 28 degrees - 50 minutes North,
Longitude 131 degrees - 13 minutes West

December 4, 2005
Latitude 26 degrees - 44.5 minutes North,
Longitude 138 degrees - 30 minutes West

December 3, 2005
Latitude 24 degrees - 25 minutes North,
Longitude 146 degrees - 25 minutes West

The Perfect “Last Chance”

Usually everyone is dying to go to dinner by 5:30. But, last night, the one night out of 100 that I need people at dinner by a certain time because I bought a surprise cake for dessert, it was a pain in the butt to get everyone to come. Noel said that she wasn’t going to come to dinner because she was sleeping. I called her back and told her that she had to come. I think that everyone figured out why I wanted to go to dinner so badly, but I told them that I was just really hungry and I said they had to come. Anyways, they all made it and we crammed nine of us around the dinner table. After a while of sitting at dinner Noel asked me, “So, I really just had to come because you were really hungry?” I’m pretty sure that everyone knew what the deal was, but they pretended like they were surprised when the cake came. Well, the cake was huge, but we ate most of it. We always talked about getting an ice cream cake but we never did it, so it was a nice touch for one of our last dinners together on the ship.

After dinner, we all had our last sea meetings. They gave us a lot of information about leaving the ship and becoming SAS alumni. My RD, Karen, gave a little speech. It was really sad. I almost started crying.

I was afraid that the “last chance” dance was going to be a little lame since there was no pub night. But, it ended up being amazing. I’m so glad that I went. It was a weak turnout, but there were still 75 people or so there. I had a good time just dancing with the girls. It’s really funny because we hear the same songs played at our dances over and over and over again. We want to make an SAS pub night/dance soundtrack. There are certain songs that I will always associate with SAS. I know that I’m going to be in bars at home and hear songs and get sad. The last song of the night is always White Snake’s, “Here I go again.” But, after White Snake, they played Green Day’s “Time of your life.” Everyone on the pool deck put their arms around each other and formed a huge circle. It was our last song of our last SAS dance ever. After the dance, I hung out with some people for a couple of hours. I had a really nice conversation with Steph, Alberto, and Alex on the smoking deck about the significance of the voyage in our life and going home. There was no crazy ending to the night, but I left that conversation feeling fulfilled. Then, I started watching a little Sex in the City with Courtney before I passed out. It was around 3 a.m., and I hadn’t slept since 9:30 two evenings before.

FINALS ARE OVER!!!

FINALS ARE OVER!!! FINALS ARE OVER!!! FINALS ARE OVER!!! You have no idea how much better I feel. I’ve had these things hanging over my head for the past two days. I didn’t end up taking my nap yesterday afternoon. I feel too bad being in my cabin when it’s gorgeous outside and I know my days of being able to take a 30 second walk to lay out in the sunshine are coming to an end. I tried to nap, study, and read outside, but I was just too antsy, and I couldn’t sit still. So, after a couple hours I went back into the ship and wandered around pretty aimlessly until dinner. After dinner, I ended up taking that nap. I slept from 6:30 until 9:30. At 9:30, Jackie came to my door to see if I wanted to study for Geology. I really considered just going to sleep for the night, but I decided to get myself up and try to study.

Yeah. That was a joke. I grabbed a seat on the couches in the piano lounge and soon Noel and Jackie joined me. I took three snack breaks before I even got through two pages of reading. I got hot chocolate right away to wake me up, followed by a piece of apple cake at the nightly 10 p.m. snack, followed by a stock-up trip to the snack bar before it closed at midnight for two diet Pepsi, sour skittles, and a 3 Musketeers. I was really going to study then . . . But, we started talking about doing a road trip around the U.S. this summer. Then around 1 a.m., I decided to go down to my room to get snacks. I got a bunch of candy and tried to feed everyone in the computer lab and piano lounge. Talk about procrasanation. So, then, we were really going to study again . . . Then, A.J. came and talked to us for a while. Then, we were really going to study . . . Then, Joey came and sat down to study with us. Then, he left and we were really going to study . . . But, we started talking about our plans for getting together in California. Then we were really going to study . . . But, Joey came a over to play. Then he left. And, Jackie gave up and left. Then me and Noel continued to avoid studying and talked some more. And then, we were really going to study . . . It was 4:30 a.m. at this point, and we were really about to buckle down. But, Joey came back with no books or anything, souly for the purpose of distracting us from studying. Then Drew showed up. And, we pretty much just gave up and chatted about In and Out Burger until breakfast at 7 a.m.

After breakfast, I went to my room and fought to stay awake and do some studying. Then, I had my religion and Geology finals. I didn’t mention it before, but my religion teacher left the ship in Hawaii. Refer back to my comment about the Ambassador’s Ball being out of control. I was sad to see her leave on such a bad note. So, our religion exam was administered by Dean Beverly’s husband. Both exams went fine. And, now I’m finished!!!

I hear there’s going to be a dance tonight. And, then the next two days are just going to be filled with sun tanning, sleeping late, packing, and exchanging pictures and addresses. I ordered an ice cream cake for dinner with my “dining friends” tonight. We’ve talked about getting one all semester and never done it, so I decided to do it as a surprise. I had them write, “Farewell. I heart you all!” That’s probably lame, but I couldn’t think of anything better. I’m so sad to be leaving, but I’m excited about moving on to my next adventures.


Position Report

December 4, 2005
Latitude 26 degrees - 44.5 minutes North,
Longitude 138 degrees - 30 minutes West

December 3, 2005
Latitude 24 degrees - 25 minutes North,
Longitude 146 degrees - 25 minutes West

December 2, 2005
Latitude 22 degrees - 18 minutes North,
Longitude 154 degrees - 00 minutes West

Finals . . . Day 1 . . .

Well, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve gotten through my first day of finals. I spent the study day yesterday doing absolutely nothing, including studying. I really don’t know how I filled my day. Lets see: got up and did my part of our religion study guide, checked my e-mail, met up with my group at 11 and shared our sections, lunch, wandered aimlessly, talked to Noel, updated map, checked my e-mail, went to the barter fair (where you could trade things that you bought in port) and got a really cool vase from Burma for $10, sat around and talked to Kristen and Kristal, wandered around some more, talked to Tiffany at the pool bar, tried to study, did an interview on Kristal’s voyage video, went to dinner, checked my e-mail, browsed through pictures on my computer, made a CD of pictures for my friend, browsed through pictures on my computer and listened to my Ipod for two hours, bothered my roommate while she was trying to study, peeked in at the 11 p.m. study snack that was breakfast foods and decided not to wait in the half an hour line, wrote a note and dropped off the CD for my friend, went to the gym and worked out for half an hour, came back to my room and talked Court’s ear off for a while, picked up my book to study just as Court asked if I wanted to watch Sex and the City, watched two episodes of Sex and the City, passed out around 2 a.m..

I completely could have sat down and studied and been well prepared for my test today, but I didn’t. I just can’t concentrate. It’s like the beginning of the semester all over again. It’s not just me. A lot of people are having a hard time focusing on finals. If you think about it, we’ve all had very little sleep in the last week, not to mention the last 100 days. We’ve been in five (?) countries in the past month. A lot of people, including me are sick. We’re stressed about finals, packing, and returning home. No wonder we can’t focus. It’s kind of funny because I remember that I got really scared to leave home and come here about a week before it was time to leave, and now I feel the same fear of leaving the familiar all over again. This ship has become my home and all the people here my extended, very dysfunctional, but lovable family.

I got up at 6:30 a.m. to study today. When I walked into the piano lounge, I saw Noel, Kristen, and John studying. They had all been up all night. Noel said that Kristal had just gone to bed half an hour before. I studied as much as I could and got through a lot of material. But, had I just sat down and studied for a couple hours yesterday, I would have done much much better. Oh well . . . Hindsight’s a virtue. I’m sure I did fine.

Now, I’m so tired that I want to sleep, but that’s so not fun . . . Maybe I will go take a nap up on the pool deck after lunch. After all, this is going to be one of the last days that I can just run up to my roof to lay out. I think it’s around 30 degrees in Chicago. Berrrrr . . . I do have to hard core study today/tonight. I have a religion and a geology final tomorrow. I cannot wait until tomorrow when finals are over!!! Then we have two days to pack, say goodbye, write notes to each other, and share pictures from the last 100 days. The whole thing is going to fly by. In a blink I will be off this ship forever.

P.S. Consider this blog entry another form of procrastination.

Hawaii . . .

Aloha! Hawaii was a great time. It’s a beautiful place that I must go back to. We ended up getting a hotel room in Waikiki and doing a lot of partying. I spent yesterday hanging out at the beach and eating lunch and dinner. For some reason, I really don’t feel like going into a lot of detail. I was only there for about 24 hours, and I didn’t do anything extremely cultural. But, it was nice to get off the boat and stretch our legs and get a taste of Hawaii.

The one really cool thing that I’ll tell you about is that everyone was able to use their cell phones a couple of hours before we docked. So, everyone was up on deck laying out in their swim suits and making phone calls. It was really surreal to be able to communicate so easily after almost four months of broken, difficult communication.

One cool thing allows me to bitch about one sad thing. I lost my shoes that I got in Rio and my favorite favorite favorite article of clothing – my SAS sweat pants. L Oh well, what ya going to do. It could have been much worse.

Five days . . . I’m sad. Everyone is getting crabby. I have so much to do. Today is a study day. The next two days are finals and then two days for packing. In between I need to get everyone’s pictures from the last 95 days. We’re really leaving. This is the end . . .