Packing Day . . .

The hours of 2 – 10 p.m. were the worst hours that I have spent on this ship. They were the hours that I spent packing. Talk about a horrible experience. Ok, let’s look at this positively, an interesting experience. My roommate has been teasing me that I was going to have a hard time packing with all the stuff that I’d bought, but I really didn’t think that it would be that bad. It was! But, I think that it was bad for everyone. How we packed all that stuff into this little room, I have no idea.

It became clear early on that even with throwing away a lot that I brought, the huge extra duffle bag, the bag I bought in Rio, and the large book bag that I picked up in Vietnam, that I wouldn’t have enough room to pack everything. WRONG!!! I filled all of that up. Plus, I used a huge box that I found in the hall. Even, then, I had a pile of things to pack. So, I ended up using a thick trash bag and taping it up with a lot of duct tape and writing all over it, “Please do not dispose of” and “Luggage – Amber Keeney” and put a luggage tag on it. I hope that it makes it. I’m hoping to get ahold of my family before they leave for San Diego and asking them to bring a couple of extra suitcases that I can transfer the stuff in the box and garbage bag into.

But alas, I finished packing . . . . YES!!! I felt so good after that. We also had a San Diego pre-port. They just talked about packing and customs, etc. We sang “America the Beautiful” at the end. I got a little choked up when the mental health professional was talking about how we might be feeling or will feel when we leave. I can foresee all the tears that will be shed tomorrow. Especially since I know everyone will be up all night and will be beyond over tired. I spent the rest of the night getting pictures from people and having people sign my map and makeshift address book. I still have a lot of people to track down to fill out my book and map. But, I think that tomorrow will be good for that. It has to be. It’s the “last chance.”

I notice a lot of parallels with the beginning and end of the voyage. Everyone is excited. No one can sleep. Everyone seems to have a renewed sense of excitement at meeting people and seizing the moment. They are trying to get every last ounce out of every experience. People are nervous, scared, and yet excited about what lies ahead. Everyone is talking to everyone, hanging out in the most random groups, exchanging contact info and signatures instead of names and schools. Everyone seems somewhat lost about what to do next.

How am I feeling? I feel just like I did when I started this trip, 99 days ago. At first (about a month ago), I was getting excited about coming home. I couldn’t wait. Then about a week ago, my feelings changed to one of sadness and disbelief at leaving. I feel somewhat numb, yet sad. I know in my head that I’m leaving and that I will never be here with these people ever again but my heart is accepting it slowly. I can feel it working its way in there though. I’m scared. The way I was before I left. It reminds me of when I was 13 and I had surgery. I knew the surgery was going to happen and I was fine with it. But, just after they started me on the meds that would knock me out, I got really scared. I didn’t want it anymore and I would do anything to make it stop. But, all I could do is cry, hold onto my mom, and know that when I woke up it would be over. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s how I feel. I know that it’s going to hurt and there’s nothing that I can do but accept it. I would almost accept leaving the ship and the itinerary if I could just take everyone with me. And, I mean everyone. It’s not so much my good friends that I’m scared to leave. I know that we will stay in touch. It’s those random people that I’m just used to seeing around or know casually. Those are the people I will never see or hear of again. Of course, I will miss having all my best friends just a few doors away all the time too. During our conversation on the smoking deck last night, someone said something along the lines that we will never be the same, we will never see things the same way again, and no one will ever understand us besides those that have been on this ship for the last 100 days, what this experience was to us, and how much it has changed who we are. I don’t know how I’m changed yet. I’ve heard time and time again that you won’t notice the change until you get home. Dean John said that they are going to explain to our parents that come to San Diego how to deal with us and help us adjust to the culture shock. I’m really glad . . . Because I don’t know how to deal with myself at this point . . .


Position Report

December 5, 2005
Latitude 28 degrees - 50 minutes North,
Longitude 131 degrees - 13 minutes West

December 4, 2005
Latitude 26 degrees - 44.5 minutes North,
Longitude 138 degrees - 30 minutes West

December 3, 2005
Latitude 24 degrees - 25 minutes North,
Longitude 146 degrees - 25 minutes West