My Most Traumatic Day . . .

Alot happened yesterday. This is all rather personal, so I'm wondering why I'm posting this at all, but I feel the need to get it out and have a record of it for myself. I could just do a private entry, but that will mess up the entire chain of events in this blog.

I had a very honest conversation with someone I'm very close with yesterday and we decided to alter our current relationship. It went well, so I'm happy about that. But there were alot of tears. The whole situation was a very bitter sweet transition. So, that alone was rather dramatic. Then, I went over to visit my roommates at my apartment for the first time since I've been home. It was so nice seeing them and catching up a bit. But, all my things are still there and it feels so much like home. I spent so much time participating in picking out the apartment and decorating it just right. I hate to give it up. After being there, I was really trying to crunch numbers to see if I could pay for the apartment until I start my new job in September. I determined that I could do it, but at $650 a month with bills, for nine months, that would seriously cut into my savings. And since I wouldn't even be staying there most of that time, it really seems like a somewhat impractical thing to do. So, I've given up on that idea and decided to stick it out with my family in the burbs. Besides all this, yesterday was the day that I would have graduated if I didn't extend my graduation and that was in the back of my mind too. So, by the time that I arrived back home around midnight last night, I was emotionally drained, yet strangely content. Nothing bad happened. Everything really worked out just about as well as it could. Yet, things in my "real" life have dramatically changed since I left in August and it really hit me yesterday. All of it is of my own doing, and the changes are not bad, but it's a bit unsettling. One of the last pieces of advice that we were given before we got off the boat was, "don't go home and make any dramatic changes." Well, that's about all I've done. Everything is different in my life since I left in August. But, even through the pain of separation from the familiar, I am filled with hope and excitement at what lies ahead in the future.

My room here is still a disaster. I have had no desire to get my SAS stuff in any sort of order, which is not like me. I'm just tripping over it. I wouldn't have even started unpacking had I not needed to get the Christmas gifts for Saturday's get together. I also haven't done too much with my pictures. I'll organize them a little here and there, but I haven't gotten around to showing them to people, putting them on-line, or having them printed. Every time I look at my pictures, the things I see seem so long ago. We experienced so much. It really feels like it was all a dream right now. I've also continued to have trouble going to sleep at night. Last night I was up until 6:30 a.m.

Anyways, that's just a little piece of what's on my mind. Don't worry. I'm not depressed. I hope it doesn't sound that way. I'm just working my way through adjusting to life again.